


Jupiter Rising: The Desolation of Hannibal

by sebastianstanstongue



Category: Captain America (Movies), Hannibal (TV), Jupiter Ascending (2015), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Art, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Deliberate Badfic, F/M, Hannibal is a Cannibal, It Fucking Rhymes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3612837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastianstanstongue/pseuds/sebastianstanstongue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title says it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jupiter Rising: The Desolation of Hannibal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ImogenAlpacaday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImogenAlpacaday/gifts), [OriginalMaleDog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginalMaleDog/gifts).



> This is a treat for ImogenAlpacaday and OriginalMaleDog. I couldn't decide who was more deserving because you both ROCK, so I hope you don't mind sharing the love, ya'll.

An elegant dinner party at Dr. Lecter's residence...

Azog: GrjiosNKJcxvnkds ejiofnksz wkkdkfjk!!!!

Hannibal: What my esteemed colleague means is, try the liver pate. It's delicious.

Coulson: Why, Dr. Lecter, I didn't know you speak Orcish as a second language. Or third, really, seeing as how you're European and all and your English really isn't that good.

Hannibal: …

Hannibal: I'd like to have you for dinner next Tuesday, Agent Coulson.

Coulson: Excuse me?

Hannibal: I'd like to have you over for dinner next Tuesday.

Coulson: Er, sure. Okay. What could possibly go wrong?

Natasha: Coulson! Put the cracker down! The pate is people!

Coulson: What are you two doing here?

Winter Soldier: *menacing silence*

Natasha: We were sent by Director Fury to extract you. You've been compromised. And helping you will wipe out two, maybe even three lines of red from our ledgers.

Winter Soldier: *menacing silence*

Captain America: Bucky?

Winter Soldier: Who the hell is Bucky? My name's James, pal. Bucky is dead. STOP CALLING ME THAT.

Captain America: You are, and always will be, my friend, Bucky. SO STOP SAYING THAT.

Winter Soldier: Sorry, Stevie. But I'm with Nat now. We have history together and a common language.

Natasha: Perestroika!

Winter Soldier: Glasnost!

Captain America: Wow, Buck. You've really changed.

Winter Soldier: I've grown. I'm not that kid from Brooklyn doing odd jobs around the neighborhood and working down at the docks for five cents a day to buy you your asthma cigarettes. I have a career now. And a metal arm. Deal with it!

Captain America: That's ok. I met this guy Sam. He's really into fitness and Marvin Gaye.

Jupiter: Doesn't anyone want to talk about the fact that we're eating people? That's like, way worse than bathing in them. I think, anyway.

Will Graham (off stage): So I hear you love dogs.

Thorin: Khazad doom! Khazad ai menu! *slays Azog*

Azog: *gurgles*

Thorin: Now my grandfather has been avenged and the mountain is mine! Too bad Fili died without any proper character development, and Kili ran off with that elf.

Hannibal: I can work with this.

 

THE END?


End file.
